No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you would pick up someone in the library
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
