Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
