hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I am midnight drunk by noon
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
