so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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