Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
