So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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