At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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