I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
