Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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