He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
