I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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