so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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