I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
