Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
