and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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