too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
