Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
