He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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