We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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