you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize