Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
