the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
