She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize