I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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