Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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