thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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