I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
