if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
