Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
