I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
