I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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