i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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