Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
