I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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