just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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