when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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