We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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