I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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