but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
