Betty ford says i'm here all night
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
