the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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