just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
