I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
cat food counts as protein by the way
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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