I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
