I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
