there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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