Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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