I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
