Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
