Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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