I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
