I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Randomize
