I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
