I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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