I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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