They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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