I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
