do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
