i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
