i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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