Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
