I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
