Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
