Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
