So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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