I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
