I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
