your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize