he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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