did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
im drinking this country out of the recession.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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