DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My vagina is very pro this idea
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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